The Actual Dance is a play that presents the events of the year 2000 from the point of view of the spouse of the woman going through breast cancer. From diagnosis to her life as a survivor, Susan Simon, my wife has endured. An unlikely survivor. The Actual Dance is the story of that experience from my perch. The husband. This the 4th year of my October daily blogs, my focus is a bit more on myself
Day 24: The Arc of Love: “It did not take us very long to fall in love, though I wonder if two 20 years olds really understood what love means.” The Actual Dance
What does love really mean? I am not sure that I would ever have gone through this exercise of figuring that out without the existential moment with Susan in 2000. I would never have wanted Susan to have gone through breast cancer. Yet, the experience not only brought me to find what I think is my own purpose in life, but also a deeper understanding of “what love really means.”
My understanding now is that there is an arc of love in relationships. Love between two people evolves over time. When I first ever noticed Susan, when had not even met yet, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. “I kept noticing her in that 16-year-old boy sort of way.”
And even though it wasn’t until three years later that we actually met, became infatuated and rushed into marriage. Yes, we thought we loved each other. And I think we did, in that 20-year-old sort of way. What did we know?
We have been lucky. Despite the many times over the arc of our relationship when things go “tough” we kept going. I’m sure we both second guessed ourselves. Still we had two children, they grew up and we each pursued unique careers. And we came home every night.
During that period we also began to relate to each other differently. We had deepened mutual experiences. More importantly we began to notice something else. There is a connection that can exist between two people that is spiritual. It is a connection that goes beyond modern understanding. It took the breast cancer experience to understand this fully, which is going to be the subject of a differently blog. Love can change over time, deepen and become something more essential and meaningful that we can imagine.
Stat of the Day: Here are some really goofy statistics related to falling in love. I like particularly the clam that it takes only 4 minutes for two people decide that they like each other. These are stats about the start of love.
Task of the Day. Read a love story! One of the statistics suggest that witnessing love has a calming an positive effect on people Maybe go back and read or watch the original “Love Story.”
Resource of the Day: If you think you need hep during the journey find a therapist. Here is an interesting therapy service in the state of Washington that offers some specific services for couples with breast cancer in the relationship. Check it out and then if needed look for someone near you that might offer similar focus.
The Actual Dance: Performances Donate