The Actual Dance as a play presents the events of the year 2000 from my point of view as the spouse of the woman going through breast cancer. Now, seventeen years later, it is apparent that I did not fully understand how deeply the experience impacted me. It took me 12 years to write the story, so to speak, and the last nearly 5 years I have been telling it through performances of the play. Every October I blog daily to help in raising awareness and to share elements of the story that I hope are of value to those who read these blogs. (All quoted lines are text from the play.)
Day 27: Magic Words: “Instead he called it a metaphor and said it is beautiful.”
The Actual Dance is a simple story of a man who is confronted with the possibility -- perhaps the probability -- of holding his wife of 34 years as she takes her last breath as she succumbs to breast cancer. He is desperate to know “how do I do this?” As portrayed in the show and in my real life I could NOT imagine that I could do it.
An initial effort to figure that out, a session with a Rabbi, didn’t provide an answer.
Next, I went to see the psychiatrist whom I had seen off and on for 20 years, usually through various life transition (turning 50 etc.). And as I spoke I once again cried. Indeed, it was the only time I sobbed. Sobbed as I described to him this real “place” – the ballroom – and the music and the dance and the image in my head of Susan and I dancing to a crescendo of intensity as she dissolved into a wisp of a white cloud and disappeared --- forever.
I asked for medicine, and “instead he called it a metaphor and said it is beautiful.”
In an instant I changed. “It never occurred to me that the dance was beautiful. I have always feared it as tragic and devastating.” His words were magic. “Beauty, dignity.” In an instant I want from fear to a place of acceptance and understanding. “Rather than fearing the actual dance, I think I can get ready for the dance.”
“I now understand that The Actual Dance will be the ultimate consummation of our Love.”
Stat of the Day: The death rate for Non-Hispanic Black Women was 42% higher between 2011 and 2015 than for Non-Hispanic White Women according to this study.
Task of the Day: Post something on your Facebook page or Tweet something about October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month and encouraging every woman to check her breasts.
Resource of the Day: The Society of Breast Imaging has this online Resource Center that enables you to set up reminders about breast care, such as scheduling a mammogram and to send a nudge to a friend as well!
The Actual Dance: Performances. Donate.
Day 27: Magic Words: “Instead he called it a metaphor and said it is beautiful.”
The Actual Dance is a simple story of a man who is confronted with the possibility -- perhaps the probability -- of holding his wife of 34 years as she takes her last breath as she succumbs to breast cancer. He is desperate to know “how do I do this?” As portrayed in the show and in my real life I could NOT imagine that I could do it.
An initial effort to figure that out, a session with a Rabbi, didn’t provide an answer.
Next, I went to see the psychiatrist whom I had seen off and on for 20 years, usually through various life transition (turning 50 etc.). And as I spoke I once again cried. Indeed, it was the only time I sobbed. Sobbed as I described to him this real “place” – the ballroom – and the music and the dance and the image in my head of Susan and I dancing to a crescendo of intensity as she dissolved into a wisp of a white cloud and disappeared --- forever.
I asked for medicine, and “instead he called it a metaphor and said it is beautiful.”
In an instant I changed. “It never occurred to me that the dance was beautiful. I have always feared it as tragic and devastating.” His words were magic. “Beauty, dignity.” In an instant I want from fear to a place of acceptance and understanding. “Rather than fearing the actual dance, I think I can get ready for the dance.”
“I now understand that The Actual Dance will be the ultimate consummation of our Love.”
Stat of the Day: The death rate for Non-Hispanic Black Women was 42% higher between 2011 and 2015 than for Non-Hispanic White Women according to this study.
Task of the Day: Post something on your Facebook page or Tweet something about October being Breast Cancer Awareness Month and encouraging every woman to check her breasts.
Resource of the Day: The Society of Breast Imaging has this online Resource Center that enables you to set up reminders about breast care, such as scheduling a mammogram and to send a nudge to a friend as well!
The Actual Dance: Performances. Donate.
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