The Actual Dance as a play presents the events of the year 2000 from my point of view as the spouse of the woman going through breast cancer. Now, seventeen years later, it is apparent that I did not fully understand how deeply the experience impacted me. It took me 12 years to write the story, so to speak, and the last nearly 5 years I have been telling it through performances of the play. Every October I blog daily to help in raising awareness and to share elements of the story that I hope are of value to those who read these blogs.
Day 12: “I can’t explain or maybe better said I cannot justify why, but I cannot leave Susan alone. My job is to be here with her in this room. My cot sits near the floor on the right side as you face the bed. In the opposite corner on the same side of the room I set up the table and a chair as a desk for my computer so I could work and be (in the room) at the same time.” The Actual Dance
There is no training for this journey for most people and especially for men. “How do I do this?” Be with a wife or mother or child as they undergo treatment for a life-threatening disease. In Susan’s case of advanced breast cancer I didn’t even think to look for a how-to manual. I just did "it." For a good part of the journey I served in the role of what I call a traditional caregiver, especially during the early medical procedures. A “laugh line” in the play is “Hell I did not even change the kids diapers and now I am helping Susan vomit.”
The Actual Dance is a play about many things. It is a love story about two people just out of their teens who get married. And it is about breast cancer. And it is a male caregiver’s story. A caregiver’s story that uses theater to demonstrate that when confronted with the unthinkable in our lives we can do the unimaginable.
Stat of the Day: 40% of family caregivers are men, meaning there are about 16 million men family caregivers according to AARP.
Task of the Day: Just-In-Case-List. Now this isn’t a will or an evacuation plan for a hurricane or a fire. It is a check list for if someone you love and live with is diagnosed with cancer. Who to call? What are the policies at your work? Insurance? A lot of that can be done early. Just stop right now and start a just-in-case list. Here are some resources and ideas. Book Blog
Resource of the Day: Check out Men Against Breast Cancer. A handy Breast Cancer Action Plan and Caregiver’s Guide for Men, which is free to download.
The Actual Dance: Performances. Donate.
Day 12: “I can’t explain or maybe better said I cannot justify why, but I cannot leave Susan alone. My job is to be here with her in this room. My cot sits near the floor on the right side as you face the bed. In the opposite corner on the same side of the room I set up the table and a chair as a desk for my computer so I could work and be (in the room) at the same time.” The Actual Dance
There is no training for this journey for most people and especially for men. “How do I do this?” Be with a wife or mother or child as they undergo treatment for a life-threatening disease. In Susan’s case of advanced breast cancer I didn’t even think to look for a how-to manual. I just did "it." For a good part of the journey I served in the role of what I call a traditional caregiver, especially during the early medical procedures. A “laugh line” in the play is “Hell I did not even change the kids diapers and now I am helping Susan vomit.”
The Actual Dance is a play about many things. It is a love story about two people just out of their teens who get married. And it is about breast cancer. And it is a male caregiver’s story. A caregiver’s story that uses theater to demonstrate that when confronted with the unthinkable in our lives we can do the unimaginable.
Stat of the Day: 40% of family caregivers are men, meaning there are about 16 million men family caregivers according to AARP.
Task of the Day: Just-In-Case-List. Now this isn’t a will or an evacuation plan for a hurricane or a fire. It is a check list for if someone you love and live with is diagnosed with cancer. Who to call? What are the policies at your work? Insurance? A lot of that can be done early. Just stop right now and start a just-in-case list. Here are some resources and ideas. Book Blog
Resource of the Day: Check out Men Against Breast Cancer. A handy Breast Cancer Action Plan and Caregiver’s Guide for Men, which is free to download.
The Actual Dance: Performances. Donate.
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