On Valentine’s Day 2016 The Actual Dance was performed at a virtual full house at the beautiful Marc A. Scorca Hall in the National Opera Center in New York. In the discussion afterward ably moderated by Greg Johnson a new and provocative question was asked. Did I suffer PTSD from my experience with Susan during her brush with breast cancer and the end of life? Was I, the character in the show, the playwright and actor simply recovering from PTSD? Asked differently, was my writing and now performing The Actual Dance a way for me to cope with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?
What an amazing question! I could not answer the question immediately. And perhaps even now I cannot. The question has never been asked and has triggered a bit of uncertainty on my part and significant self-reflection. Why am I doing this? Where did this come from?
I have taken a little time to research the question. As a result, I am reminded how complicated is the process of the loss of a loved one. Dealing with the death of a loved one is very complicated and nuanced. There is no question that there are scenes within the play that demonstrate significant fear at the perceived impending loss of the person I love most in the world.
PTSD according to most articles is most often associated with rather sudden tragic events or exposure to gruesome and horrifying actions. In addition, the impact or symptoms usually are themselves distinct and long lasting. There is often discussion about what are normal or abnormal reactions to loss of life or love are. Usually it is given the context of healthy or unhealthy.
Some of the literature I scanned did talk about grief in relation to PTSD and found that the sudden loss of a loved-one could trigger a PTSD reaction.
Was my reaction PTSD? Am I suffering from the effects of a near death experience with my wife? I don’t know. It might be so. I found a path to wholeness – which is the other side of grief and perhaps even PTSD. It is Shalem – the discovery of a new self after facing the biggest monster in our heads and our life and wrestling with that monster. Shalem – wholeness with new purpose and new insight on what life and love really means.
What an amazing question! I could not answer the question immediately. And perhaps even now I cannot. The question has never been asked and has triggered a bit of uncertainty on my part and significant self-reflection. Why am I doing this? Where did this come from?
I have taken a little time to research the question. As a result, I am reminded how complicated is the process of the loss of a loved one. Dealing with the death of a loved one is very complicated and nuanced. There is no question that there are scenes within the play that demonstrate significant fear at the perceived impending loss of the person I love most in the world.
PTSD according to most articles is most often associated with rather sudden tragic events or exposure to gruesome and horrifying actions. In addition, the impact or symptoms usually are themselves distinct and long lasting. There is often discussion about what are normal or abnormal reactions to loss of life or love are. Usually it is given the context of healthy or unhealthy.
Some of the literature I scanned did talk about grief in relation to PTSD and found that the sudden loss of a loved-one could trigger a PTSD reaction.
Was my reaction PTSD? Am I suffering from the effects of a near death experience with my wife? I don’t know. It might be so. I found a path to wholeness – which is the other side of grief and perhaps even PTSD. It is Shalem – the discovery of a new self after facing the biggest monster in our heads and our life and wrestling with that monster. Shalem – wholeness with new purpose and new insight on what life and love really means.
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