The Actual Dance - a one-man play and story that explores what love really means
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LOVE

2/2/2023

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I am reposting this from July 2014.   As part of my February Love Month --- Sadly, Jacob Needleman passed away in 2014.  Thinking today about his insights, I have come to believe that Love -- or the commitment to Love -- is the capacity or sense of singularity with the other, not just a spiritual oneness, rather a oneness in our engagement with the other.  It is what I have learned from own work. 
PictureJacob Needleman
       I just finished reading “The Wisdom of Love”  by Jacob Needleman.   Exploring the idea and meaning of love is part of my own journey to understand some of the existential questions raised by “The Actual Dance.”  I am sure it sounds odd for the playwright and performer of a show to be seeking understanding of what he/she has written and performs.  Perhaps this is an indicator at how profound an impact this process has had on my own life.  

     One of my first discoveries on this journey was that the play, in part, is about what love “really means.”   The Actual Dance portrays the journey of two twenty-year old kids from when they first meet and decide to get married to the point in time when one of them is faced with a life threating disease.  From “I wonder if they really understood what love meant” to “I think I now understand” how I can dance The Actual Dance.  Meaning, I think I know what loves really means.  

            Jacob Needleman I hope will agree that the path described in the show is one “Way,” the term for the journey he uses in his book.   His focus is on what he calls “wisdom traditions” of “The Way.”  “The Way” being paths to discover or experience personal enlightenment.  Enlightenment as I understand from or as I interpret the book is the Love that is the divine.  Not romantic love or popular understandings of affection, but a form of intimacy and integration with the divine source of all life inside of us and with our conscious mind.  My own approach is reflected in the poem US , which suggests that life exists within each of us as a spark of the divine and that love “happens” when that spark intertwines with another.    

            In other words, it is possible for two people to become “One” through love.   That is, our own divine sparks or life can intertwine with another so that the two become as One. Last month in discussing “Levels of Love” by Julian Barnes, I talked about how the love between two people creates something bigger and more than just the two people. I cited Barnes’ arguments that when love exist between two people, then when those two people are added together you get three not two; and when you take one of them away then the loss is even greater -- perhaps four. 
 
            The revelation offered to me by Needleman’s book is that there is a difference in kind or “quality” of the love that Barnes focuses on and that which Needleman describes.  The Needleman One is from within and without and is not based on our human condition.  Grief, on the other hand,  is a human or egoistic experience, one of the many human emotions that are real and experienced in the moment within our human body and mind.  Needleman though argues that there is inside of us something else, something beyond ‘human’ something of the divine.  The difference then between grief and love is that love, properly experienced, is not an idea or feeling or pain, it is an experience, a spiritual awareness (awakeness) of or to the divine of who we are.
 
           I was not surprised then to read Needleman say:     

          “In times of grief, immediately following the death of a loved one, it often happens that all egoism  vanishes, that no trace remains of personal emotions such as anger or resentment or self-pity or any impulse toward personal gain.  … In face, it is surely a taste of the kind of love we hear about in sacred writings and in the stories of holy men and women.”  (p. 104)      

            My experience of this moment came not after a loss but in anticipation of the loss.  The Actual Dance arguably is about “the Way” I came to that moment.  How I found that “taste.”  

        Needleman ends his book with a number of questions.   

        “But is the love that is given to us meant to be the answer to the finitude that brings us to question who and what we are?  Love is surely the answer to death.  But what kind of love?  And how do we find it?”  

         The Actual Dance is a love story. It may not answer these questions, though it might suggest several possible answers.  Instead, what it does, is to validate that they exist and that the search is not futile.


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A Valentine Day Special --Make a contribution to the Actual Dance $25 or  more, and I will send you a signed copy of the book, "Love's Ultimate Journey Through Breast Cancer" --  A perfect gift for the one you love.
​Donate here

"The Actual Dance is a beautiful, powerful and timeless in its messages." --James Fallows, Award-winning author, national correspondent for The Atlantic Monthly.
​

"This startling memoir is a celebration of love and hope ..." Rabbi Naamah Kelman

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Breast Cancer Awareness Blog Day 28:  What Love Really Means

10/28/2017

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The Actual Dance  as a play presents the events of the year 2000 from my point of view as the spouse of the woman going through breast cancer.  Now, seventeen years later, it is apparent that I did not fully understand how deeply the experience impacted me.  It took me 12 years to write the story, so to speak, and the last nearly 5 years I have been telling it through performances of the play.  Every October I blog daily to help in raising awareness and to share elements of the story that I hope are of value to those who read these blogs. (All quoted lines are text from the play.)
 
Day 28   What Love Really Means. “It didn’t take us very long to fall in love, though I wonder if two 20-year olds really understood what love meant?”

The Actual Dance is also the story of discovery of what love really means.

I didn’t understand that at first, even though I wrote the words of the play and lived the story.  I told some of this on Day 24 when I argue that our getting together was B’Shert or “meant to be.”  Noticing each other in 1961, dating in 1964 and getting married in 1966.

Even though Susan and I thought we were in love back in 1966, and we went ahead at 21 (me) and 20 (Susan) got married, I do not think we really understood what love means. 

Yesterday, I observed that the ritual of holding Susan at hear last breath would be “the ultimate consummation of our love” – and I still believe that to be true: holding the hand of the one you love through end of live is the ultimate act of love.

What love really means though is contained in two different lines in the play.  “I am the other half of that which makes us, Susan and me, complete.”   And “When else in our lives is it more important to be whole than when OUR body is badly broken.” 

Real love takes time.   It is having a life time together, the ups and downs, the challenges and successes.   It is the melding of two souls as into a whole “each and equal half of the other”  

Stat of the Day: Men get breast cancer too.   About 2,350 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to be diagnosed in men in 2015. A man’s lifetime risk of breast cancer is about 1 in 1,000.

Task of the Day:  Say “I love you” to the person(s) you love most in the world at least three times today and every day:  In the morning, in the evening and at bed time.

Resource of the Day:  Read Jacob Needleman’s book, The Wisdom of Love. I think he nails it.

The Actual Dance:   Performances.   Donate.
​

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WHAT LOVE DOESN'T REALLY MEAN

9/11/2017

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The Actual Dance is a love story.   I like to say it is about “what love really means.”   In the play, there is this line: “At 20 years old I don’t think we understood what love really meant.”   The reference is to Susan Simon, my wife of now 51 years, and me when we got married in 1966.  We of course thought we were in love, but what really did two twenty-year old kids know about love?

What I have come to understand is that love is a process made up of intimate, existential moments together.   Two people discovering an eternal bond that connects not mind but soul.

This comes up because of an opinion piece in the Sunday, September 10th, New York Times titled: “How to Fix the Person You Love,” by Eli J. Finkel.   It turns out that this is preview (marketing) piece for a forthcoming book titled: “The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.”

Let’s start with the fatal flaw in the book.  It is impossible for the authors to know how the “Beset Marriages Work” because we – Susan and I – were not interviewed.

Second, and more seriously, judged by the opinion-piece, the measure applied to “Best Marriages” has not thing to do with love, but rather the external-relationship between two people.  The idea the authors seem to wrestle with is can you live with what I will call a “life coach.”   Or in the author’s words: “…. some marriages can do it all. . .. [A]ffectionate partners can indeed play a critical role in determining each other’s success in reach their goals.”  

What does this mean?  Hard to know exactly without reading the entire book, but the hint is pretty clear: “[R]eceiving such support can be brutal.”  

Perhaps the real cue here is the reference to “affectionate partners” to describe the two people in a marital relationship.  I sort of get their point and perspective.  The external process of supporting and “pushing” a spouse to be the best they can be at their chosen vocation can be brutal.   

I however don’t think that has anything to do with love.   I prefer Jacob Needleman’s approach in his book: “The Wisdom of Love: Toward a Shared Inner Life.”    I have written about this before. Needleman describes marriage not as a living arrangement of “affectionate partners” but instead is of a fabric of connection between two souls on a single journey together.   Rather as a quality of connectiveness that is at a spiritual level not readily understood or experienced except upon continued commitment to a journey and the relationship.

The Actual Dance is a case study in that discovery, in that journey.  The “brutality” of this journey isn’t getting unbearable pressure from one’s partner to be the “best we can be.”  The brutality is in achieving the state of near perfect empathy.   Needleman says it this way: “We fail to realize that in certain rare moments – for example where we come face to face with death – we touch a completely unknown capacity of love within us.”

To be in love, he argues, and I do paraphrase, is to be in relationship with a person to be capable of such love in any situation in life.  That is: “To be toward another person in a way that supports (their) struggle is the full meaning of … love.”   “To be in this way toward the man or woman with whom we are sharing our life is to approach a transcendent purpose with the sometimes wondrous and sometimes agonizing round of joy and sorrow that makes up all of our lives together no matter how they may be judged according to the standards of society.”

And so, in The Actual Dance as I journey toward that anticipated moment of Susan’s last breath, I begin to understand:

“I am the other half of that which makes us, Susan and me, complete.  When else in our lives is it more important to be whole than when our body is badly broken.” 
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What love then “really means” in my book is that we become “an equal half” of a single whole – the relationship itself.  We are one.  What it doesn’t mean? It doesn’t mean me berating her (or vice versa) to be the best whatever we can be in the rough and tumble life a dog-eat-dog, race to the top of anything.  Perhaps I overreact to the example chosen by Eli J. Finkel for his New York Times piece:  The relationship between Katinka Hosszu and Shane Tusup, where Tusup becomes her Olympic coach and trains her to gold medals.  That is NOT what love really means, doing that and staying married may be a fete, but it isn’t the meaning of love. 
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Welcome to October Breast Cancer Awareness Month -- Day 29 What Love Really Means

10/29/2016

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.   The Actual Dance tells a story of MY journey in response to Susan’s diagnosis of stage 3 breast cancer in 2000

In recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month I post a blog each day with a reflection about breast cancer. The reflections all stem from something in the play.
 
Day 29:  LOVE   “It did not take us very long to fall in love, though I don’t think two twenty year olds understood what love really meant.  So in 1965 we decided to get married.” The Actual Dance

Yesterday I talked about the “Magic Words” of the psychiatrist I went to see to help me confront the task I thought I was convinced I could not perform: be with Susan as she took her last breath.   I could not imagine doing it and then I said: “I now understand that The Actual Dance will be the ultimate consummation of our Love.”

I often think about our journey together now of 50 years of marriage and how my understanding of love has evolved.  In 1966 I think it was a combination of idea, urge, and ego.  An idea of love, and sexual urge and the ego of having someone want to be my wife.   In 2000 and even more today love I understand is about something more intimate and more essential.  I don’t know how or when exactly it happens but it does and this is what it is, from the poem US , “love is when our essence became entwined, each and equal half of the other.”

No one wants illness but the intimacy of facing death can create eternal bonds.  What is so amazing though is that we continue together in this world intertwined in the most intimate of ways.  We don’t need an idea, or an urge or an ego.  Indeed, I believe Jacob Needleman’s concept of love being the vehicle for our mates struggle for meaning. 

Stat of the Day: There are about 6,200 wedding a day in the United States with the average age of the bride being 25.3 years and the average age of the groom being 26.9 years.  Source

Task of the Day:  Say “I love you” to your spouse.   “I love you simply awakens the US in you and me.”
  
Resource of the Day: Okay—I have given this link before – it isn’t quite what I’m talking about and yet it will make your day. What Love really Means by JJ Heller.

The Actual Dance:  Performances.   Donate.
​

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Welcome to Breast Cancer Awareness Blog Day 12  -- Love

10/12/2016

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.   The Actual Dance tells a story of MY journey in response to Susan’s diagnosis of stage 3 breast cancer in 2000.

In recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month I post a blog each day with a reflection about breast cancer. The reflections all stem from something in the play.  (All quotes are from lines in the play).

Day 12:   Love   “At 20 years old I don’t think we understood what love really means.” The Actual Dance

Yesterday I spoke about sex and I said that in retrospect of 50 years of marriage, the last 16 years post double Mastectomy, and my personal journey with The Actual Dance  I have come to understand a (if not “the”) difference between sex and love. Today it is love’s turn.

Here is what I have come to learn about Love from writing and performing The Actual Dance
​
US
Life exists within each of us -- a form of the Divine.
A tangible essence of who we are.
Love is when our essence became entwined.
Each an equal half of the other.
"I love you" simply awakens the US in you and me.

From Sam to Susan
© August 23, 2012 Samuel A Simon, The Actual Dance
All rights reserved
​Stat of the Day: A 75 year longitudinal study by Harvard found the single most important key to a long and happy life is:   Love  

Task of the Day: Read a book about what love really means. I recommend “The Wisdom of Love: Toward a Shared Inner Life” by Jacob Needleman. Buy it here.
​
Resource of the Day:  Listen to the song “US”  based on the poem.   Composition by Eli Zoller © 2016 
The Actual Dance:  Performances.   Donate.
​
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Welcome to October Breast Cancer Awareness Month -- Day 27

10/27/2015

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.   The Actual Dance is about many different things.  It is about breast cancer. It is also about love.  It is also about relationships.   It is also about spirituality and what life really is.   It is about a lot of things. 
In October in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness I will post a daily blog with a reflection about breast cancer. The reflections will stem from something in the play.  (All quoted lines are text from the play.)
 
Day 27
:  B’Shert – Destiny:  There is a Yiddish word meaning destiny --B’Shert.  In the breast cancer context destiny can be complicated.  Yes, I think Susan and I were destined to be together.  “I can even remember the first time I noticed Susan, we hadn’t even met yet.  She was living in Houston and I was living in El Paso,” is how I begin telling the story of how Susan and I at the age of 16 attended the same youth group convention and ‘noticed’ each other.  Then 3 years later we end up at the same college (Texas Western, now UTEP) and find each other, again.  Eyeballing each other in Texarkana, Texas and then magically going to the same college, meeting then dating and falling in love.  How can that be?  Just an accident?  I don’t think so.  Somehow in the universe of unexplainable things this had to have been meant to be.  Yet, if things are “destined to happen” to us, what about illness?  What about “cancer.”  Was that pre-ordained for Susan or any other person with cancer?   It is much easier to believe that love is “meant to be” than it is that illness or tragedy is the product of some preordain structure in the universe.   I do not know.  I am open to the possibility that it is true that the end is written at the same time the story of our lives begins.  We do not know so much about the “whys” of life and death.    What we can do is respond to both the love and the loss in our lives as if it is our responsibility to honor both.

Stat of the Day: Breast cancer is the most common cancer among women in the world. For example, in Australia, in 2010 breast cancer accounted for 28% of all cancers in women in Australia.

Task of the Day:  Read a love story or watch a movie about a love story and cancer.  Here are a couple of books I recently enjoyed.   One Hundred Names for Love , by Diane Ackerman; The Wisdom of Love, by Jacob Needleman; Levels of Life by Julian Barnes.  Then there is there is the original:  Love Story by Erich Segal.

Resource of the Day:  If you are Jewish, check-out Sharsheret  a breast cancer program for Jewish Communities.






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Welcome to October Breast Cancer Awareness Month --- Day 27

10/27/2014

Comments

 
Picture
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.   The Actual Dance is, among many different things, about breast cancer. It is also about love.  It is also about relationships.   It is also about spirituality and what life really is.   It is about a lot of things. 

In October in recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness I will post a daily blog with a reflection about breast cancer. The reflections will stem from something in the play.  (All quoted lines are text from the play.)
 
Day 27:  B’Shert – Destiny:  There is a Yiddish word meaning destiny --B’Shert.  In the breast cancer context destiny can be complicated.  Yes, I think Susan and I were destined to be together.  “I can even remember the first time I noticed Susan, we hadn’t even met yet.  She was living in Houston and I was living in El Paso,” is how I begin telling the story of how Susan and I at the age of 16 attended the same youth group convention and ‘noticed’ each other.  Then 3 years later we end up at the same college (Texas Western, now UTEP) and find each other again.  Eyeballing each other in Texarkana, Texas and then magically going to the same college, meeting then dating and falling in love.  How can that be?  Just an accident?  I don’t think so.  Somehow in the universe of unexplainable things this had to have been meant to be.  Yet, if things are “destined to happen” to us, what about illness?  What about “cancer.”  Was that pre-ordained for Susan or any other person with cancer?   It is much easier to believe that love is “meant to be” than it is that illness or tragedy is the product of some preordain structure in the universe.   I do not know.  I am open to the possibility that it is true that the end is written at the same time the story of our lives begins.  We do not know so much about the “whys” of life and death.  What we can do is respond to both the love and the loss in our lives as if it is our responsibility to honor both.

Stat of the Day: Breast cancer is the most common cancer among women in the world. For example, in Australia, in 2010 breast cancer accounted for 28% of all cancers in women in Australia.

Task of the Day:  Read a love story or watch a movie about a love story and cancer.  Here are a couple of books I recently enjoyed.   One Hundred Names for Love , by Diane Ackerman; The Wisdom of Love, by Jacob Needleman; Levels of Life by Julian Barnes.  Then there is there is the original:  Love Story by Erich Segal.

Resource of the Day:  If you are Jewish, check-out Sharsheret  a breast cancer program for Jewish Communities.


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    Sam Simon

    Samuel A. Simon is the playwright and performer of The Actual Dance. 

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