October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The Actual Dance tells a story of MY journey in response to Susan’s diagnosis of stage 3 breast cancer in 2000.
In recognition of Breast Cancer Awareness Month I post a blog each day with a reflection about breast cancer. The reflections all stem from something in the play.
Day 27: Talking “I am afraid cannot continue doing what I am doing. I cannot imagine that I can do what I know I have to do. I need to talk to someone. ... I decide to just stop by the Temple, hoping that the Rabbi is still there. I know it is ‘committee night’ and she should be there. I really need to talk.” The Actual Dance
If you have been following my journey of this year (2000) with Susan as her prognosis became grimmer by the day, you know that there was deep anxiety in my head and heart. “I knew there wasn’t going to be a good outcome here.” But Susan never saw that – this was not a face she saw. In fact, nobody but me saw or knew it and I was reaching a breaking point. The imagery and the experience of an alternate “ballroom world” were real and scary. I realized I needed to talk, and it was late one night (9 p.m.) and after a glass of wine that I decided to stop by our Temple and talk with the Rabbi.
In retrospect I am not surprised that it went wrong. It lacked respect for her time or a chance to explain to her what I needed. She had a sense of urgency to get home that didn’t let her hear what I needed. I left without any serious conversation about the real issue on the table: “How do I do this. How do I dance the last dance with Susan?” I needed to find someone else.
Stat of the Day: Susan and went on our first date in 1964 --- 52 years ago
Task of the Day: Sign up for or to be a cancer mentor. A great program offers networking with others and getting help or giving help.
Resource of the Day: The American Psychosocial Oncology Society has an information and referral help line: 1-866-276-7443.
The Actual Dance: Performances. Donate.