The Actual Dance is a play that presents the events of the year 2000 from the point of view of the spouse of the woman going through breast cancer. From diagnosis to her life as a survivor, Susan Simon, my wife has endured. An unlikely survivor. The Actual Dance is the story of that experience from my perch. The husband. This the 4th year of my October daily blogs, my focus is a bit more on myself
DAY 21: Existential Moments: “That was in 1973, I have since come to understand that life exists in each of us in a tangible form, and that the essence of who we are beyond the physical body exists”
Yesterday I spoke about the fact “that I could not imagine doing what I had do.” And that I needed to speak with someone. The “unimaginable” was holding Susan’s hand when she took her last breath. And my first effort at speaking with someone, the Rabbi, didn’t go well. There were a number of steps getting to that “unimaginable” moment. It didn’t happen right away.
Hearing the words: “You have cancer.” is an existential moment. Any time you begin to realize that your life or that of someone you love may end, you have an “existential experience” or “moment.” The year 2000 with Susan was full of those moments.
My first experience though was in 1973, as I stood in the hospital room next to my mother, Frieda Alfman Simon, as she did take her last breath as the result of her breast cancer.
"It was the first time ever I experienced the super-natural,” is the line in the play as I re-enact the moment in 1973. “I was afraid because I just saw something I knew I was not supposed to be able to see.” I experienced … saw … a white tuft of a cloud, a giant swirl which rocketed past me out of the hospital room at the speed of light at the very instant of my mother’s last breath.
It took me years after that experience to understand that: “I was privileged to experience that life force exit my mother at her last breath.” It took a visit to a psychiatrist – something that will happen again in 2000 – before I could come to terms with that experience.
In the meantime, in the year 2000 with Susan, I was desperately trying to come to terms with the same experience with her and doing “the unimaginable.”
Stat of the Day: According to a poll conducted in late 2012, 45% of people believe that spirits of our loved ones can come back and interact with us in certain situations. USA Today published an article on October 25, 2017 with additional stats on the numbers of people who believe in spirits.
Task of the Day: Rent the movie Ghost and watch it, again and again and again. This is a homework assignment. A test will follow in ensuing posts.
Resource of the Day: Check out Attitudinal Healing International. I learned that finding ways to express our deepest thoughts is not easy. There are places to go where some of those deep, “crazy” thoughts are welcomed.
The Actual Dance: Performances Donate