Becoming One

           What does Love really mean?  

           Not a unique question, is it.   A topic of religion, philosophy, romance from the beginning of time.  At no time as I was growing up, nor as an adult, would I have assigned myself such labels: Philosopher or Romantic or Rabbi. 

           My views of relationships and marriage and the like growing-up were mundane and matter of fact.  I don’t think I ever thought about the word, “love.”  I will be honest, I don’t remember my parents ever saying it to each other, holding hands or kissing in our presence.  Maybe that was not considered appropriate in those days – the 30’s and 40’s. 

        In retrospect now so many years later, I’m 75, married now 53 years, it is perplexing a bit how I found my way here – in such a deep, loving relationship with a person I have come to believe was destined to be with me –and me with her.  How does that happen.  What does this thing “love” really mean?

        It has taken a long time for me to really begin to figure it out. In this last quarter century of my life – about 25 years – it has been a slow, overwhelming and unfolding awakening.   Especially when I compare it to the prior 30 years, the brash lawyer, too busy to be at home for even some of our kid’s most important life events. Taking it all for granted. That was Susan’s job.

         We were married in 1966.  I was  21 and Susan 20.  On reflection I don’t think we really understand then what love means.  It didn’t take us long though to confront the opposite of love – death.  In a two-week period surrounding our first wedding anniversary Susan’s mother died and my father died.  We were changed forever.

      My awakening has evolved over time.  A form of a knowing beyond the physical world. It started perhaps around 1973, the night I stood in the room with my mother as she took her last breath and I experienced something exit that room as it happened. It accelerated when in 2000 Susan had her near-death experience.  

         It has taken years, and years to slowly piece together the elements of meaning often hidden from me even as events generating them happen. 

        My thought for today – January 30, 2020 – 19,518 days since Susan and I said, “I do” -- well I actually said “Yes” -- is about the journey that has connected us two.  About how each one of those days knitted us more intimately together in a process of becoming one, each an equal half of the other.